Tips to Avoid Couples' Quarrels during the Lockdown

by: Nanie Narciso

Couples Therapist

Realize that it is okay to have different views on COVID pandemic.

​Lisa is very pessimistic about the future. She feels the need to stock up for weeks of supplies and plan for every eventuality, including preparing a will. Mark is more optimistic and relaxed, he trusts that as long as they follow social distancing, it will all be okay at the end.
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Image courtesy of @thiszun

​TIP: You do not have to convince each other of your point-of-view. It is important to accept and respect that each person has his/her own way of seeing things and coping.  An open and healthy discussion on what’s working for each of you helps in coming up with a doable plan for a more hopeful future.
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Give each other independence and some private time.

Jake and Ellen live in a small studio, and with Jake working from home, Ellen can’t avoid seeing and hearing him in meetings the whole day. She also needs to be extra careful not to create background noise. Ellen is getting tired of too much togetherness.
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Image courtesy of milivanily (pixabay.com)

​TIP: It is healthy to carve out a space of your own. Spending time for yourself and by yourself is just as important as spending time together. A balanced Me/We time appreciates the value of watching different Netflix shows as much as bonding over shared meals.
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Be forgiving and compassionate.

Being cooped up at home makes Julian irritable and quick to snap. Myrtle feels that he notices everything that she’s doing and that she’s doing it all wrong.  Things like forgetting to disinfect the groceries or using too much cellular data.
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​TIP: Understand that these are very difficult times for both of you, which may bring out the worst in your partner, so try to be more compassionate and forgiving. We are not in normal times so it is to be expected that he/she isn’t his/her normal self. Adjustments have to be made by every partner to this new kind of normal.
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Show appreciation.

Now that Billy is working from home, he sees how Paula works all day to keep their home and kids healthy and safe. He always thought he was the one working hard to provide for their family, and now he realizes that both their contributions are valuable, just in different ways.
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Image courtesy of mohamed_hassan (pixabay.com)

​TIP:  Take the opportunity to show each other that you appreciate the little things that your partner does to make your life a bit better. Appreciation can be in words or deeds. A heartfelt thank you or a quick back rub will go a long way to make your partner feel noticed and loved.